yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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