He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
