Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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