this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
