Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
