yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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