He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
