i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
