Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
