How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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