when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
