Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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