I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
