why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
