it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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