Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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