ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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