mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
