Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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