can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
