i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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