just tell him i said nine months
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
