Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
