In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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