worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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