I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
