All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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