I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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