theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Boobs speak an international language.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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