turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize