i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize