she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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