is your mom at the bar?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
