Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
