worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
