he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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