i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
