Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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