Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
