she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
