omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
