I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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