well I can't set my house on fire every night
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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