I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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