planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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