I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
