Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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