I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
