I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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