I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
