why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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