I hate all girls vehemently.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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