He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
