Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
