If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ugly people sure do ruin things
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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