I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
