My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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