I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
