I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize