so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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