Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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