All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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