I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
