He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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