I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
