Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
