Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
