I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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