i was born a porn star she said
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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