My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Randomize
