if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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