Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
