So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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