i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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