my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
